Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway -but the Golf Man will know!

YOUR AGE BY Golf MATH
This is pretty neat.

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute .
Work this out as you read.

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1.First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to play golf (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1759 ..
If you haven't, add 1758.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number(I.e., how many times you want to
play golf each week).

The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2009) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.

Golf Poem

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.

It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow. 

Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and
losers of balls....  

A recent study found the
average golfer walks about 900 miles a  year.

Another study found
golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. 

That means, on average,
golfers get about  41 miles to the gallon.  

Kind of makes you
proud. Almost feel like a hybrid.

I ordinarily wouldn’t write about a private golf course unless the something special occurred. Yesterday was Pro-Am day and on the Inland Empire Schedule was the Hayden Lake Country located in Hayden Idaho.This town is just outside of Coeur D’Alene. What makes this course worth writing about is its proximity to Hayden Lake and its remarkable history. The dining room and casual area sits adjacent to this wonderful scenic lake surrounded by mountains, many still have snow on their highest peaks.This is a stately old course that came into being in 1902.I believe the first clubhouse was a wigwam. Many of the homes that front the fairways are stately, mature with subdued beauty like the course itself.The greens are small by today’s standards; all have subtle breaks and ridges few even have small bowls.The fairways aren’t overly wide nor are they particularly narrow.There is just a nice balance between the two extremes.Best of all it is an easy walking course.Since I was there last several years ago changes have occurred on several holes.A par three down hill that is fronted by a gaping bunker beside a pond that sinuously wraps itself around the left side of the wide but narrow ridged green.The par five two holes later is a great risk and rewards opportunities that tempt the longest of hitters to try and fly the lake; looking out from the tee box one see just a partial glimpse of a three hundred yard watery grave on the right side. If you are a member of a private club from elsewhere and you happened to be in Northern Idaho or in the Spokane area try to play this course.The walk is quite serene. I’m fortunate to have three great golf professionals who put up with me at Circling Raven Golf Course about thirty-three easy miles south of the Hayden Country Club.I played with the youngest of the trio Mark Nelson and three of his buddies. I really think I enjoyed watching these super long hitters whack ball beyond my vision only to find most of the time their golf balls were on our fairway.The only one who I could be reasonably close to was the pro.Mark suggested that since we were going to the Country Club I should dress in my knickers. No picture is available for fear of upsetting readers.I did, with argyle socks, dark blue with tan diamonds and the obligatory green weave, collared light blue shirt, dark blue hat similar to Ben Hogan’s the “Ivy Hat” and black knickers the shoes were white, tan and black.I sure looked like a golfer if not in substance then in looks. Rob one of the young men has a single digit handicap who involved me into the team, by asking my advice on putts.I appreciated being included.Dirk one of the other fellows owns a Sports Bar called of course “Caddy Shack” he told me he hadn’t struck the ball so well in a long time.More importantly were his birdies.The last fellow Tyler, he and I just were never nearby each other, so unfortunately for me we didn’t have any interactions.I think he was the youngest of the trio and hit the ball a long, long way.If you are an average golfer try to play with better players and watch what they do, if you are lucky they will strike the ball down near the three hundred yard range and that is fun to watch in person- believe me I just did.

 

 Funny Quotes On Golf 

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

Henny Youngman

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

Phyllis Diller

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.

Raymond Floyd

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.

Paul Harvey

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.

Don Adams

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

Chi Chi Rodriguez

You've just got one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it.

Sam Snead

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.

Kevin Costner

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

Lee Trevino

I hope you've enjoyed these golf quotes.

A couple of friends had made a pilgrimage to the birthplace of golf: the Old Course at St. Andrews, Scotland. They had managed to secure a tee time and were just about to tee off when the starter stopped them and told them to wait — he had a fourth player who would be joining them. The three friends were disappointed; what sort of schmuck were they going to get stuck with?

After brief introductions, the fourth player asked them what their handicaps were. A handicap in golf more or less corresponds to how many strokes you shoot over par on average. They told him their handicaps, which were three, four, and seven (which by the way, means they are exceptionally good recreational golfers).

The fourth player, who was standing on the tee with a set of right-handed clubs, said “O.K., great, I get my left-handed clubs” — the implication being that if he instead played left-handed, it would be a more even match. He headed back to his car, grabbed a set of left-handed clubs, and true to his word, proceeded to shoot a three over par 75.

Who was this mysterious fourth player? None other than the dashing Spaniard Seve Ballesteros. Golf fans everywhere have been saddened by Ballesteros’s shocking recent battle with a brain tumor, however we are all glad to learn he is doing really good with a strong positive attitude.

Ballesteros, who retired last year, was a brilliant golfer who won three Open Championships, two Masters, and 82 other titles. He is best remembered for his flair and creativity: like hitting a shot from a car park in the 1979 Open Championship at Royal Lytham and St Annes.

One of the guys conjectures that maybe playing left-handed on occasion helped Ballesteros learn to hit those creative shots which won him so many championships.

For instance, when your ball stops right next to a tree trunk, sometimes the only option is to flip a club around and try to swing left-handed. It is extremely difficult, because not only are you swinging left-handed, but you are using a club meant to be hit right-handed. My accomplished golfing friend has practiced this shot quite a bit, and says he once hit it 60 yards this way, but he averages about 20 yards.

He asked Seve that day how far he could hit it when in that situation. “About 150 yards,” Seve said. “It depends if I want a fade or a draw.”

May 6, 2009
MADRID (AP) -- Seve Ballesteros says he feels fine but "suffered like a dog" while recovering from four surgeries to remove a cancerous brain tumor.

"I feel perfect," Ballesteros said in an interview with the Cadena SER radio. "I can do any kind of sport. I can row, I can run, I can swim, I can cycle. I am even playing a bit of golf, some short shots."

Ballesteros, a five-time major winner, said he was optimistic during his 72 days in a hospital late last year. But he worried during the post-operation period that he might be permanently disabled.

"I suffered like a dog, but maybe the fact that I am a professional sportsman and used to competing and fighting helped me," he said.

The interview came two days after the 52-year-old made his first public appearance Sunday at a Spanish soccer league match at Racing Santander's El Sardinero stadium near his home in northern Spain. He received a standing ovation from the fans.

Ballesteros underwent four operations on a malignant brain tumor between Oct. 6 and late December, when he was released from Madrid's La Paz hospital. He is undergoing chemotherapy treatment.

Sounding confident and in good spirits, Ballesteros said his brain and memory were fine and even joked that "for a brainless guy like me, you can see I'm explaining myself pretty well."

The golfer said he appreciates the smaller things in life, and he's convinced that good health is the most important.

For other people in similar situations, he said his message was to realize that "there is only one way forward, to keep on fighting."

Ballesteros won three British Opens and two Masters, and had 50 victories on the European Tour. He captained Europe's Ryder Cup team to victory against the United States in 1997.

 

 

 

The Inland Northwest spring times are at best a crap shoot.The capricious weather beguiles you with warming rays of sunlight upon our pallid skin, then as you begin to feel the “ah winter is over feeling” you are lashed with skin numbing winds, pelted with hail, followed quickly with rain, sleet and snow.If you are really lucky you also get some cold oppressive fog that rolls off the hills.

I mention this as an introduction to a golf game recently played at Circling Raven with a caveat or two.The caveats are golf is a great place to encounter strangers and make new friends.The cynical among you might take the more prosaic view that misery loves company.Best you read this accounting and then judge.

I left my home on the blustery Thursday morning last week and drove through the Palouse to my home course Circling Raven Golf Club.When I arrived at the course the temperature had dropped to forty-three, I had lots of warm clothing to wear so that wasn’t a concern.I warmed up for awhile, went inside for a quick lunch and returned to the driving range to loosen up the old bones before hitting the links.I slipped in between a twosome in front and a foursome behind me.When I was about to take my third shot on the par five hole number one, I looked up one last time and noticed the golfers had left the green and were waving me on.I wasn’t pressing these men, so I thought perhaps they didn’t want to feel rushed and wanted me to play through.So naturally I rushed my swing and pulled it to the right.I got to my ball and said to the men”I didn’t think I was pushing you”.They said you weren’t but you were alone so why don’t you join us. We enjoy meeting new people.”I was quite touched by their generosity.We made introductions; Ernie and Buell were from a smaller town than Spokane, Wenatchee.

Wenatchee is the apple capital of the US of A.The golf game was an arduous game of reliance and perseverance; the winds at times moved balls on the greens.Hailstones pummeled our heads and shoulders, and then the wily old sun would come to taunt us with invisible rays of warmth, and then slide behind a large dark somber gray cloud. A few greens were covered with hailstones and putting was taken to an entirely new level.Golf balls gathered slush and rooster tails flew off the balls as they were putted toward the cup.Often times never arriving on the pathway chosen due to the imbalance of snow encasing the balls mid section and causing it to fall on it side.The adventure of golfing in the early Spring. I felt at times as a man who is about to be whipped awaits the first terrible searing pain of the lash upon his back and he is defenseless. I know the ominous signs of that cloud above and the portent of evil.Snow came down, heavy, thick flakes spilled from the cloud that we couldn’t see one hundred feet in front and then as quickly as the snow fell it disappeared. And for four and half hours we endured, we got to know each other better; we chastised the golf gods, the weatherman/woman all to know avail. We somehow finished the game, utterly cold to our cores that only strong drink could alleviate the trauma to our beings.Peggy our consummate server of food and drink warmed our hearts and souls with smiles and hot drinks some laced with alcohol to revive our spirits.

We talked about our shared experience; we laughed at our folly and enjoyed our company of men.They had told me, they were here before the rest of their friends, fifteen men from Wenatchee and Yakima area were going to play golf Friday, Saturday and Sunday and would I like to join them for the weekend?

I was pleased to be asked and accepted.

My goodness what a diverse group of men, I think the youngest was in his mid thirties and the eldest was a very vibrant young seventy. The men I got to talk with had occupations from assistant Attorney general, an educator, a Lieutenant in the Sheriff’s office in Wenatchee a former DOT employee. I was the second eldest.

We played on Friday afternoon at the Hangman Valley Golf Club. This early in the season the greens are bumpier than a teenager with acne.They installed new sand in their bunkers and since I was last there, two new bunkers on hole number five, the long par five. On Saturday morning we played the Meadowwood Golf Club near the Idaho border. This course is a cross between a links course and a contemporary layout here also they greens needed more sunlight to grow the grass. That afternoon we slipped across the border into Idaho to play the Coeur D’Alene Golf Club. This is a tight layout with every hole framed by tall Ponderosa Pines.I thought the greens ran true and much faster than the previous two courses.Lastly we gathered in the cold awaiting the frost delay to expire to play the venerable old course, the Downriver Golf Club in Spokane.This course also is well framed by Ponderosa Pines, small greens that ran fast and true.The sun rose high and the morning turned into a glorious afternoon. The best part of the experience for me was being invited back on October 2^nd.I’m looking forward to reacquainting myself with new friends.Friends you could only meet on a golf course.

Allan

4/28/2009

Do you know that when a  woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat  gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally???


Ever  wonder why?

It's  because she smells like a new golf bag!

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.